i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
