Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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