I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
