Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
