so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize