This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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