The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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