my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
