You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
