if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The Olympian is in my bed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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