i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
