bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
