I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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