break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
