The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
