Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
