Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
