better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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