Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
