Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
