Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
