I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
