Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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