RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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