Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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