# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Even my vagina gasped.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
