Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
