The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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