it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
