he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
