so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
