i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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