Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We are two peas in an std pod
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
