I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Panties = found
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
