I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
