I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
