My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
