you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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