he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
