My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
