I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
