well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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