you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
