sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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