never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
