i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
