White coat. Heels.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
