so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize