I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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