I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sext me about skeletons
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
