she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
