Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
