I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
