I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
