i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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