THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize