i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
