There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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