I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
should my penis look like a turkey
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
