I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
