Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
People in love make me want to vomit
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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