Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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