Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
