I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
