what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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