i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm passing your future prison.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
