dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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