what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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