Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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