puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
