just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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