I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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