Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
