Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
