So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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