I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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