But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
