The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and she was petting her beer can
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
