its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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