Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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