I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
