so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
